Get access to everything we publish when you sign up for Outside+.
Hometown: Albuquerque, NM
I have read many books and invested in many programs that have taught me how to eat healthier over the years. I actually like eating and juicing vegetables. My problem is snacking. I want to eat chocolate, cookies and fudge brownies and drink red wine when I am bored, when I am stressed, when I am lonely, you name it. My brain tells me at the same time every day when I should go grab that chocolate candy or have that glass of wine. The time of day is so consistent that when I try not to go grab that chocolate, I become agitated and anxious. Anxiety seems to be a family trait I somehow inherited. How to stop having unhealthy snacks in-between my healthy meals has been a challenge for years.
When I started GOCLEAN45, I was on the verge of going to therapy or trying hypnosis. I felt desperate because I completed the 90-day Oxygen cover challenge and had no control over my snacking. It made me feel very sad. I was angry I couldn’t win the challenge because I couldn’t find a way to commit to fixing my bad snacking habits. In the end, I learned eating was only half my issue. My past that I was hanging onto was another contributor to my inability to stop snacking. I had to learn to let some personal experiences go. I learned that life can sometimes mean suffering but that we don’t have to make ourselves miserable through it. At some point during the GOCLEAN45, something changed inside of me. I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude. The meditations and lifestyle tips we were given seem to have taken that gratitude to a much higher level. GOCLEAN45 gave me the tools that helped me get through those moments of anxiety and agitation. By practicing the breathing exercises and meditations, I am learning to work through the pain of past experiences, the cravings I have (which I assure you are daily) and to find peace of mind overall. The Box Breath is by far my favorite breathing exercise and I use this one quite often. I think I have finally learned I am never going to be perfect and that is OK. How I handle those imperfections is what matters most. Do I fall completely off the wagon never to hop back on, or do I recognize I fell off the wagon, accept it and move forward? From this day on and for all days to come, I will always have at least one foot on that wagon. You’re only a failure if you never try.
Now when I falter and I indulge in that piece of chocolate, I no longer beat myself up for it. I sit and savor every bite then move on. I am not a transformed challenger. I am and will always be a work in progress.
Thank you to the Facebook Go Clean 45 Group for all your support. You are the best!